Never give up on hope.

February 20, 2015 (Part 1)

Dear Little Baby,

Today is going to be a little different than every other day. Normally, I only write at the end of the day (which is why it is usually the next day when I update this blog) but today I am writing a letter to you at the beginning of the day (before all the craziness of the day happens) and I am going to write you another letter at the end of the day (after all of the craziness pans out and we know where we stand).

Today, I am going to be doing a couple of different things. I am going to be calling the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and I am going to beg, plead, borrow, steal, stand on my head, and anything else I can do to convince the neonatologists there to take a chance on you. This will put me even farther away from our family and make it even harder on me emotionally (because the one person that has been there every single day for me to complain to, cry to, vent to, etc. will be a couple hundred miles away) but I think that if CHOP will take the chance on you, I will be taking that chance on them.

Yesterday I called New Hanover Regional Medical Center (the next closest hospital that I had heard rumors about micropreemies coming out of) and they turned me away. I called DUKE Medical Center (background information: I’ve been a Duke fan all of my most formative years) and they turned me away. If DUKE turns me away, it’s time to really start looking at the premier hospitals in the country for micropreemie care. And honestly, Little Baby, I already know that you aren’t going to even BE a micropreemie. We’re going all the way. But I need a safety net at the bottom of the extremely small tightrope that I am walking on to even begin to feel safe. And if CHOP will take us, I guess you’re just going to have to be a Philadelphia fan. I have the numbers to the CHOP Neonatology Unit and the CHOP NI/ICU Unit. We’re going to give it our best shot. I’m NOT giving up on you. We are going to do this. We’re going to make it. You don’t have to be strong yet, Little Baby. I’ll be strong for both of us. I won’t take no for an answer, and I refuse to believe that there is no hope. I REFUSE TO GIVE UP. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT DEFEAT. And the doctors can all just take a big, huge bite of crow and swallow it whole when we prove them wrong, Little Baby. We’re going to make it.



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