Never give up on hope.

March 7, 2015

Dear Carter,

Today has been a pretty rough day. I’m giving away all of the baby clothes and the carseat and the bouncer and the things that we aren’t going to get the chance to use. It’s painful, but I need someone that can get some use out of them to have them. I love you so much. I miss you even more today that I did yesterday.

Today, my boobs are hurting because you aren’t here to drink my milk. They are leaking and sore and there is nothing that I can do. I hate my body for this. I hate this whole thing. I just want you back. I want to see your tiny face, kiss you, change your diapers, get peed on, puked on, pooped on…and we will never have that together. I miss you Carter.

Today, Bryan is doing our tattoos in memory of you. I’m still working out the exact details of what I want mine to say and what I want to look like. One thing is for sure–I am going to have your tiny handprints and footprints in this tattoo. I just wish I knew what color your eyes were going to be. I just wish so much when it comes to you, Carter. I miss you so much, son. I don’t think that it will ever be “okay” again. I miss you.

I love you more than all of the stars, son.
Mommy

Edit: When we got here to the tattoo parlor, Bryan said that he wasn’t even going to charge us shop minimum. He said he couldn’t do that. The tattoos are going to be free. ❤

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