Never give up on hope.

March 9, 2015

Dear Little Baby,

Tonight I can’t sleep again. I guess I should say this morning. It’s 5:15am, so I guess I really can’t say tonight anymore. But I was cruising the web, trying to get tired enough to fall asleep. And I stumbled across the baby section of a store’s website. And instead of immediately turning away, I browsed through the baby boy clothes. I looked at the adorable suits and shoes and onesies. And I just let the pain wash over me. I didn’t try to run from it. I let it crush me. I just opened myself up to the anger and the disappointment and the sadness. I let it happen. I miss you, Sweet Little Man. I want you back so badly. I see your face every time I close my eyes. I long to go to sleep every night so that I can meet with you in my dreams. I don’t understand why God did this to us, Little Man. I just want you back. I want to hold you again. I want to kiss your precious face. I know that I will get to see you again someday, but that doesn’t make the days in between any easier, son. I miss you.

As Long As I Live, My Baby You’ll Be,
Mommy

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