Today your Daddy and I went to the funeral home that has your body. It was so bittersweet. I got to see your precious face again, but it was for the last time. They are going to cremate you. Now, all that I will have left is pictures and memories. I kissed your precious face over and over and over. You were so cold. I made sure that you were wrapped up. I gave you some pictures of your family that loves you very much, a teddy bear to keep you company, a letter that your Daddy wrote to you, and I wrapped you up in your baby blanket. My breasts started leaking, so on an impulse, I drenched the edge of your baby blanket in the milk that you should be drinking. I kissed you one last time. And then I had to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I had to walk away from you, knowing that I would never ever see you again. I wanted so badly to stay with you forever and ever. I didn’t want to leave you all alone and cold and afraid. I wanted to rock you forever. I didn’t want to leave you in that place so full of death. But I had to turn my back on you and walk away. I miss you so much, son. I love you so much. I saw a picture frame that says “Your life was a blessing, your memory a treasure. You are loved beyond words, and missed beyond measure.” I am going to have the last picture that I ever took of you put in that frame. I am going to display the bear, that picture in that frame, and your urn on our mantle of the fireplace. I want to be able to see you and talk to you every single day. I’ll never forget you, son.
As Long As I Live, My Baby You’ll Be,