After a long discussion with Jeremy, we have decided that we are going to try again. Obviously not today, but we aren’t going to wait a super long time, either. As soon as I am ready and he is ready, we will try again. It’s both comforting and terrifying. What if something happens this time, too? I don’t know if I could survive this a second time. But there is a gaping hole in my life–I was supposed to get a son! So now I want a son to dress up and have a Momma’s Boy. He can never replace Carter. Ever. But I would like a son. And when I brought that up to Jeremy, he said that if I give him three more girls before we have another boy, then so be it. We’ll just have the big family that I have always wanted. I know that there is going to be a mixed response to this post, but it’s my body, my uterus, and my family. And for those of you that are going to say how dangerous that many C-Sections would be, Don’t worry–I’m going to have VBACs. Carter proved that my uterus isn’t going to rupture, so VBACs it is. So…as worried as some people are going to be and whatever, this was a choice that Jeremy and I came to together.
Nobody else had to endure the pain the he and I did with the loss of our son, so nobody else can judge us for how we handle it or what we do in relation to child-bearing. We know the risks. But isn’t a baby worth any risk?