Never give up on hope.

Dear Carter,

In our country, we don’t celebrate mothers until May 10 this year. But you know what? I don’t care. In most countries they celebrate it on the 2nd Sunday of March. In America (because we just HAVE to be different) it’s the 2nd Sunday of May. Well guess what? From now on, I’m going to celebrate twice a year. One where I get to mourn and be angry and tell people to fuck off (today, because I am just in that mood) and one where I get flowers and presents, and smile for the three children I still have here. So…that is how I feel about it. And today is NOT the day to get in my way. I’m ANGRY and I’m PISSED OFF and I doubt that I can be stopped today.

You LIVED. You were not a miscarriage. You were not a stillborn. You were born with your heart beating, trying to breathe. YOU LIVED. You MATTERED, even if only to me. You are MY SON, and you WERE BORN and you DIED. And I am taking today from England and marking it as my own. And I challenge every woman in a country where today is Mothering Sunday to do the same. If you have other children that are still alive, take my Mother’s Day (2nd Sunday in MAY) and use it for yourself to grieve. That way, you still have the Mothering Sunday to celebrate with your living children, and you have Mother’s Day to grieve for your children who are no longer here.

I love you more than all the stars,
Mommy

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