Never give up on hope.

March 26, 2015

Dear Carter,

Today, I should have been 26 weeks pregnant with you. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think about you. July 2 is going to be extremely hard on me this year. You were born almost exactly four months before you should have been. And that’s hard. Every Tuesday marks another week that you have been gone. Every Thursday marks another week that I should have been pregnant. Tuesdays and Thursdays are very hard for me right now.

Today, I was tagged in a post about pro-life stories. Women showed pictures of their dead children to further a cause that would rewind women’s rights by a hundred years. While the person that tagged me in the post is very sweet and didn’t mean anything by it, it got me thinking. Why is it that women that suffer child loss (especially miscarriages/stillbirths/babies born too early) are automatically thought to be pro-life? Yes, I wanted you to live. Yes, it destroys me that you didn’t. But I am pro-choice. Pregnancy and childbirth and raising children are so incredibly difficult. I cannot agree with any government MAN telling me that I don’t have a choice in what happens to my body. MEN are not required to go through the same physical, mental, and emotional trauma that is pregnancy and childbirth. When a man has to lay down and be cut open and risk his life right next to the woman that is carrying his child or has to gain weight and stress their heart and body and be injected with hormones right next to the woman carrying his child, my opinion may change. But I refuse to look a woman in the eyes and say, “Too bad. You can’t have a career now because you have to be a mother. Your body is going to go through the most insane shit it will EVER endure in the next nine months and you have no choice in the matter.” Nope. And I refuse to let ANYONE stand on my your corpse to further a CAUSE that I don’t believe in. I refuse to let anyone use your death to rewind women’s rights by a hundred years. Not just “no” but HELL NO. I love you more than the whole wide world, Carter.

Here Without You,
Mommy

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