This is the last day of the month that you were born and died. After today, I won’t be able to say that you were born and died earlier this month. It won’t be a whole month, but it will be a different month. I don’t know how I feel about that. On one hand, every day that goes by, I learn to “lie” about how I am a little bit better. It hasn’t gotten easier, but it has gotten easier to paste a smile on my face and lie about how I am doing. On the other hand, I feel like every day that goes by puts more space between us. I just…don’t know what to think or how to feel. Tomorrow is April Fool’s Day. I already know that I am going to see a hundred thousand status updates from friends saying, “I’m expecting.” People don’t understand just how painful those updates can be for women that are struggling with infertility or have lost a child. I’m not going to get up on my soapbox, but…tomorrow, I don’t think that I am going to be logging on to Facebook. I love you son.
Here Without You,