Never give up on hope.

April 15, 2015

Dear Carter,

Today was a pretty long day. Cayce had her physical therapy evaluation today. The results are back–she is performing at the level of a 12 month old. Which is 6 months younger than she is. She has overall low muscle tone, she is at the “high normal” end of flexibility, and she has generalized weakness in her neck, trunk, and hips. She was accepted for physical therapy, and she has been scheduled for an occupational therapy evaluation as well. She was evaluated for speech therapy, but the lady that evaluated her said that 18 months is a bit young for speech therapy. They don’t really start that until around 2 years old. Then, I did your Aunt Jessica’s taxes. I do her taxes every year, and usually I do them WAY before the cut off, but with everything that happened this year, they didn’t get done until the last minute. I am so ready for bed tonight. Tomorrow, Cayce has another physical therapy appointment. So now, she has her regular pediatrician appointments, her cardiology appointments, and her physical therapy appointments. And, after she gets accepted for occupational therapy, we will have those appointments too. I am so exhausted just thinking about it all. And in the midst of all of this, I have doctor appointments to keep as well. I normally end up cancelling my appointments at the last minute because I am just too overwhelmed to get out of the door for yet another appointment. And if it isn’t for Genesis, Cameron, or Cayce, I feel like it can go on the back burner. That or an appointment opens up for Cayce that conflicts with my appointment. And I choose her every single time. I’ll live. I don’t have anything life threatening. Maybe some depression (some?) and some minor agoraphobia (nothing life changing) and some anxiety. But…my problems pale in comparison with Cayce’s. And I think about how things would have been if you had survived. I would have had a million more appointments. But I would have gladly done it to have you here. I’d have done it a million times. I miss you so much, son.

Here Without You,
Mommy

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