Never give up on hope.

April 18, 2015

Dear Carter,

Every single day gets harder and easier. It gets harder because it puts more space between us. It gets harder because if you had made it to today, you could have lived. It makes it harder because I was supposed to be 29 weeks pregnant by now. It gets easier because I learn every day to lie a little bit better. I learn how to smile a little more convincingly. The other day I went to the grocery store and the people there asked how you were (they didn’t know) and I just awkwardly said, “He died.” And then I had to explain it. And I broke down crying. In the middle of the grocery store. The next day I had to go back to the store for milk or something small. And another employee that hadn’t heard the news saw me and asked about you. And I cried again. But I don’t cry every single morning anymore. I don’t cry every single night anymore. I still cry a LOT. But not as much. I miss you Carter. I love you so much.

Still Here Without You,
Mommy

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